BLOOD PARADISE (2018) DVD Review

Blood Paradise (2018) d. Patrick von Barkenberg (Sweden) (84 min)

Devastated by crippling negative reviews and her dim-witted lover failing in the bedroom, novelist Robin Richards (Andréa Winter) attempts to snap out of her funk by traveling to the exotic rural areas of Sweden. (You know, like you do.) In between periods of staring at her blank computer screen and nude swims in the nearby lake, she finds herself drawn into an increasingly bizarre web of characters, including enigmatic Farmer Rolf (Rolf Brunnstrom) who owns the property, personal driver and “#1 fan” Hans Bubi (Christer Cavallius), his fiery bride Elsa (Elinor Berglund), who trades time between tending her indoor garden and railing at her husband’s imagined infidelities, and a host of other local weirdees. But the bucolic and idiosyncratic atmosphere soon gives way to obsession and murder, with Robin left fighting for her very survival and perhaps her sanity as well....

DO IT YOURSELF (2017) DVD review

Do It Yourself (2017) d. Dimitris Tsilifonis (Greece) (98 min)

From the land of legendary gods, heroes, monsters, and olive oil comes this clever, self-aware crime drama about a third-rate criminal, Alkis (Konstadinos Aspiotis), who makes a deal for early release – agreeing to a recorded confession exonerating a corrupt businessman, Daniel Bezerianos (Christos Loulis). The “shoot” goes off without a hitch, renting out a studio space at the local porn flick factory, but when it becomes clear that it’s much easier for the crooks to start with a blank slate (with their songbird dead), the bargaining stops and the battle of wits begins.

THE HOUSE (aka HUSET) 2016 DVD review

The House (aka Huset) (2016) d. Reinert Kiil (Norway) (88 min)

Set during WWII, two German soldiers, Nazi officer Kreiner (Mats Reinhardt) and German soldier Fleiss (Frederik von Lüttichau), are escorting a Norwegian prisoner (Sondre Krogtoft Larsen) back to base. But as their compass falters, maps conflict, and the sun sets in the south, it quickly becomes apparent that sinister forces are at work. With supplies running low and desperate from the cold, they stumble across an empty farmhouse near the forest. They take shelter (after replacing the Norwegian flag flying outside with the Swastika, naturally) and encounter warm stew bubbling on the stove and all creature comforts in place – but no visible inhabitants. However, there are those noises coming from upstairs, behind the door with the strange symbols….

SNOWFLAKE (2017) Blu-ray review

Snowflake (2017) d. Adolfo K. Kolmerer / William James (Germany) (121 min)

Set in a near-future Berlin, the murders of two different families spark a collision course of revenge, with a supremely varied ensemble of bizarre characters bumping each other off en route to a final confrontation. However, the twist-within-a-twist is that their ongoing misadventures are apparently being conceived and manifested by a screenwriting hobbyist (Alexander Schubert) who has included himself in his own story. Now hunted by a pair of cold-hearted assassins (Erkan Acar, Reza Brojerdi) who have stumbled onto a partial draft of the script, it’s a race against time and fluttering keystrokes as to who will survive.

LUCIFERINA (2018) Blu-ray review

Luciferina (2018) d. Gonzalo Calzada (Argentina) (111 min)

When a 19-year-old novice nun, Natalia (Sofia del Tuffo), reluctantly returns home to say goodbye to her dying father, family tensions reignite with her sister Angela (Malena Sanchez), as well as Angela’s violent boyfriend Mauro (Francisco Donovan). During her visit, Angela’s friends decide to travel into the jungle to meet up with a shaman who has distilled the liquid of a mystical healing (and potentially hallucinogenic/euphoric) plant. But instead of the ultimate high, they encounter terrifying visions, brutal slayings, and the sisters’ mysterious dark past rising up to haunt them.

CHRISTMAS BLOOD (2017) DVD review

Christmas Blood (aka Juleblod) (2017) d. Reinert Kiil (Norway) (104 min)

Norse attempt at an American slasher flick delivers plenty of splash without substance, giving us a seemingly immortal Santa-clad slayer who has been working his way through a literal “Naughty” list of victims (who have all committed some crime or another, although he’s not particularly choosy when it comes to collateral damage). After being shot, captured, and resurrected, he escapes from the mental facility (natch) and picks up where he left off, heading to a remote abode where a half-dozen attractive and extremely diverse females (it’s like a United Nations bruncheon) have gathered to cheer up their pal whose mum recently passed. (Yes, mum was on the Naughty list.)

THE DEVIL LIVES HERE (2015) Blu-ray review

The Devil Lives Here (2015) d. Rodrigo Gasparini / Dante Vescio (Brazil) (80 min)

Three teens head off into the countryside to meet up with their friend Apolo at his family’s remote honeybee farm for a little R&R... and perhaps a little occult raising of the dead. You see, every 9 months, as the legend goes, the spirit of a long-dead slave named Bento threatens to slip through the veil, and Apolo’s trusty service hand – who used to perform rites to keep the unquiet spirit at rest – has recently passed away. The kids treat the occasion as an opportunity to party and get frisky (because this is a horror movie), but as the shadows grow long, spooky things start to spin into reality with not only Bento’s restless spirit making its presence known but that of the sadistic Honey Baron (Ivo Muller) who lorded over Bento’s family in life.

CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT (2014) DVD review

Children of the Night (aka Limbo) (2014) d. Noel, Ivan (Argentina) 100 min

A journalist (Sabrina Ramos) visits a secluded orphanage where the occupants suffer from an unnamed condition that makes them sensitive to daylight. Upon doing a little digging, she is shocked to learn first that these are all “missing children,” and even more so once it is revealed that they are in fact not kids, but (gasp!) vampires ranging in age from 4 to 120 years old who have been bitten at an early age, forever arrested in their youthful physical state.

CUB (aka WELP) (2014) Blu-ray Review

Cub (aka Welp) (2014) d. Jonas Govaerts (Belgium)

A group of Antwerp cub scouts head off for an outing in the Ardennes mountains (Wallonia, the southeast section of Belgium, along the French border), with their two leaders: the kindly Kris “Akela” (Titus de Voogdt) and his younger, rougher sidekick Peter “Baloo” (Stef Aerts). As with any assembly of lads, there are alliances and enemies, but “special project” Sam (Maurice Luijten) – a boy with a vaguely alluded-to dark past – is the clear outcast of the bunch; teased and antagonized, with only Kris, the gentle Dries (Louis Lemmens), and kindly and attractive camp cook Jasmijn (Evelien Bosmans) in his corner. To exacerbate matters, Sam catches sight of what he believes to be campfire story figure “Kai,” a feral lycanthrope-like youth residing in the woods, preying upon interlopers. Is the legend real, or is Sam’s overactive imagination – as his fellow scouts believe – leading to madness? More importantly, who’s setting all the intricate mechanical (and lethal) booby-traps in the woods?

RECKLESS (aka BLOEDLINK) (2104) DVD review

Reckless (aka Bloedlink) (2014) d. Joram Lursen (Netherlands)

Ex-cons Victor (Tygo Gernandt) and Rico (Marwan Kenzari) have a plan: kidnap rich Mr. Temming’s daughter Laura (Sarah Chronis), hold her for a 4 million Euro ransom, and escape scot free. They’ve calculated every detail, including soundproofing a vacant apartment, buying multiple changes of clothes, disposable cell phones, untraceable vehicles, and so forth. Their victim is strong, but they are stronger and they've thought through every step. Bag her, get her in the van, tie her to the bed, strip her naked, take photos with today's newspaper, and email the thumb drives to her dad with their demands. But as the long day turns into night into the next day, tangled emotional webs come into play, with loyalties shifting and smashing and crumbling away.

HORSEHEAD (2014) Blu-ray Review

Horsehead (2014) d. Romain Basset (France)

Estranged from her mother (Catriona MacColl) for many years, Jessica (Lilly-Fleur Pointeaux) is called home for her grandmother’s wake. The reception is chilly to say the least, made all the more so by the young university student being placed in the room adjacent to her late relative’s corpse, but her current professor and beau sees this as an opportunity to confront some long-standing emotional issues. You see, Jessica hasn’t had a peaceful night’s sleep in many years, haunted by nightmares featuring an enormous, malevolent horse-headed figure bedecked in long robes with clawed digits clutching an enormous papal staff. As a disciple of oneirology – the study of dreams – Jessica has identified the symbolism of her equine phantom as that of a ferryman, poised to travel back and forth between the realm of the living and dead. In slumber, she is now visited by the spirit of her grandmother Rose (Gala Besson), young and frightened, seeking help from the gathering darkness....

DER SAMURAI (2014) Blu-ray Review

Der Samurai (2014) d.Till Kleinert (Germany)

Police officer Jakob (Michel Diercks) feels trapped in the small rural village he reluctantly calls home. Nights are spent playing cards with his dementia-affected grandmother, days are spent patrolling the sleepy burg where he commands no respect from the local troublemakers. His only duty of personal significance consists of carting bags of meat out to the woods in an attempt to keep a newly reported wolf from drifting too close to town. He’s also a deeply, deeply closeted homosexual, so mortified at the potential disapproval of the locals that he lives in a perpetual state of social catatonia. The arrival of a mysterious package at the police station – and a subsequent phone call from its owner – sends Jakob in pursuit of a flamboyant, well-muscled transvestite psychopath (Pit Bukowski), the mirror image of the young lawman’s isolated existence, an existence that will likely never survive the night.

THE HOUSE WITH 100 EYES (2013) DVD Review

The House with 100 Eyes (2013) d. Jay Lee / Jim Roof (USA)

Susan (Shannon Malone) and Ed (Jim Roof) are a happily married, all-American couple with a dream: to make the ultimate snuff film. They desire to not only deliver an ambitious, quality product (their latest challenge is to produce a “triple feature” – a three-way sex/murder sequence – “Three stars, three kills”), but also create supplemental materials, behind-the-scenes, audio commentary, featurettes, etc. But as we soon discover, this whole serial killer thing isn’t as easy as it looks, and our enterprising self-taught auteurs are far from infallible, both on and off camera.

HIDDEN IN THE WOODS (2012) DVD Review

Hidden in the Woods (2012) d. Patricio Valladares (Chile)

An assault on the senses and the soul, one whose curtain-raiser features a father raping his daughter, then dropping the ensuing infant into a bucket nine months later and feeding it raw meat. Exploitation nightmare logic holds sway over cohesive storytelling, presenting a dark fable where destitute chainsaw-wielding psychopaths outrun and outgun gun-toting police officers, where runaway waifs turn cannibal, where one’s shattered brachioradialis (aka the forearm bone) becomes a lethal weapon, where everyone’s dark side is their only side....