THE TAG-ALONG 2 (2017) Movie Review

Scare-A-Thon Totals to Date:

Total Movies Watched: 5
Total First Time Views: 5
Amount raised for ALBANY PARK THEATER PROJECT: $213.25

The Tag-Along 2 (2017) d. Wei-Hao Cheng (Taiwan) (107 min) (1st viewing)

In 2015, audiences were introduced to the Taiwanese urban (rural?) legend of a group of hikers in the late 1990s who were caught on video being followed by a mysterious and spectral “Little Girl in Red.” In so doing, director Cheng and screenwriter Shih-Keng Chien delivered a box-office smash that saw the group of hikers shuffling off this mortal coil one by one in mysterious ways. Two years later, Cheng returns to the fray with this slick sequel that delves further into the ghost girl’s tragic past, as well as considerably expanding the mythos.

PG: PSYCHO GOREMAN (2020) Movie Review

Scare-A-Thon Totals to Date:

Total Movies Watched: 4
Total First Time Views: 4
Amount raised for ALBANY PARK THEATER PROJECT: $130.20

PG: Psycho Goreman (2020) d. Steven Kostanski (Canada) (95 min) (1st viewing)

High on concept and loaded with inside nudges, winks, and references, this is a love letter to the 1980s genre offerings that lined the video store shelves and taught a generation that just because something was low-budget and/or weird, that didn’t mean it couldn’t be awesome and fun. While I can’t say it’s an unqualified home run, it’s worth remembering that the flicks it emulates were far from perfect themselves.

THE POND (2021) Movie Review

Scare-A-Thon Totals to Date:

Total Movies Watched: 3
Total First Time Views: 3
Amount raised for ALBANY PARK THEATER PROJECT: $97.65

The Pond (2021) d. Petar Pasic (Serbia) (96 min) (1st viewing)

Oddly enough, this is the second recent Serbian genre film I’ve seen in as many months, which is good because the only one with which I had firsthand experience was Srdjan Spasojevic’s notorious 2010 feature. (I’ll not spoil it for those still unaware of its shocking finale, but suffice to say… ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.) Unfortunately, this one from director Pasic and his three, count ’em, three screenwriting collaborators is a nine-pound hodgepodge of half-baked ideas shoved into a two-pound bag and the results aren’t pretty even if the cinematography is.

HAGAZUSSA (2017) Movie Review

Scare-A-Thon Totals to Date:

Total Movies Watched: 2
Total First Time Views: 2
Amount raised for ALBANY PARK THEATER PROJECT: $64.60

Hagazussa (2017) d. Lukas Feigelfeld (Austria/Germany) (104 min) (1st viewing)

A young girl, Albrun (Celina Peter), and her wizened mother (Claudia Martini) reside in solitude in the mountains, shunned by the world and antagonized by the locals whenever the urge strikes. They eke out this mournful existence, solely reliant on one another, until the mother becomes bedridden, vomiting uncontrollably and exhibiting gruesome boils over her body. After she dies, we flash forward 10 years where we discover Albrun (now played by Aleksandra Cwen) tending to a young female infant. No mention is made of the father, and it’s unclear what the young mother’s feelings are toward her absent lover. She does still fantasize about the physical realm, demonstrated by prolonged moaning episodes of self-pleasure, and everything she does seems to exude sensuality in its purest sense. She remains the object of the villagers’ scorn, some openly hostile while others are more insidious in their antagonism, leading Albrun to a vengeful state that could destroy the lives of all.

HOSTILE (2014) Movie Review

Scare-A-Thon Totals to Date:

Total Movies Watched: 1
Total First Time Views: 1
Amount raised for ALBANY PARK THEATER PROJECT: $30.30 

Hostile (2014) d. Nathan Ambrosioni (France) (89 min) (1st viewing)

When two adopted sisters begin claiming that an escaped mental patient haunting the house of their foster parent, it prompts their mother to reach out to a reality TV show, Adoption S.O.S., for help. However, after the crew arrives on the scene, Mom starts seeing the apparition as well, and the young girls begin making ominous proclamations. With the best of intentions (and despite the fact that they state several times that they can’t interfere with the situation but only document), the two-person crew reaches out to a local psychic, who becomes a de facto exorcist and things proceed to go merrily off the rails.

SCARE-A-THON 2021: ALL THE COLORS OF THE PARK

Hello, friends and fellow fiends! It’s that time of year again, when ghouls and goblins hold sway, squat orange squash are ritualistically sacrificed to the Autumn Gods, and the night air crackles with nightmarish possibilities….

It’s SCARE-A-THON 2021

JAKOB'S WIFE (2021) Blu-ray Review

Jakob’s Wife (2021) d. Travis Stevens (USA) (98 min)

Mouselike Anne (Barbara Crampton), having spent the last 30 years living in the shadow of her small-town minister husband Jakob (Larry Fessenden), is tempted to explore her baser desires when an old flame (Robert Rusler) comes back to visit. But while indulging in a few stolen kisses in the basement of the old deserted mill, Anne encounters an ancient vampire who puts the bite on her, awakening a voracious lust for life and, well, blood. Needless to say, his bride’s newfound empowerment and desire for an undead life on her own terms puts a strain on the man of the cloth’s worldview, as well as highlighting his own latent patriarchal tendencies. Can Anne and Jakob’s marriage survive, not to mention the rest of the congregation, who now look a lot like lunch?

KING KONG (1976) Blu-ray Review

King Kong (1976) d. John Guillerman (USA) (134 min)

After Airport kicked off the all-star disaster-film craze, director Guillermin was tapped to helm Skyjacked, a fairly transparent riff on the Irwin Allen blockbuster, with Charlton Heston’s take-no-guff pilot contending with James Brolin’s mad bomber at 30,000 feet. Fittingly enough, Guillerman landed the next big bang boom, 1974’s The Towering Inferno, the success of which led to his assignment on the decade’s highest profile extravaganza to that point: Dino de Laurentiis’ then-staggering 24-million dollar remake of the classic Beauty and the Beast tale. It proved to be the perfect blend of 1970s big-budget mayhem and the “Nature Strikes Back” Eco-horror wave that was just hitting its peak with Jaws.

NO REASON (2010) Blu-ray Review

No Reason (2010) d. Olaf Ittenbach (Germany) (77 min)

With a loving husband, healthy child, and plans to move to a beautiful home in the country, Jennifer’s (Irene Holzfurtner) idyllic life is shattered when she receives an envelope filled with compromising photos featuring her spouse (Mathias Engel) and the trampy upstairs neighbor (Annika Strauss). To compound woes, her elderly neighbor Elisabeth (Hildegard Kocian), who was babysitting her young son Nico, has disappeared without a trace. Attempting to calm down and plan next moves, Jennifer falls asleep in the bathtub, awakening hours later on the floor surrounded by disembodied limbs and carnage. A voice commands her to watch video footage of various neighbors and friends being brutally murdered, after which she is instructed to follow a path through a mysterious building filled with scenes of torture, each brightly lit in primary colors (red, green, blue). At the end of the journey, she is told by her Cthulhu mask-wearing guide, Salvation awaits… but at what cost?

Civilian 2020 Wrap-Up and Year-End Stats!

ARE WE THERE YET??????

Well, hello again!

(dramatic pause)

What a year. Where to even begin to try and summarize the goings-on of the last 365 days? I’m fond of saying that every year is different in its own way, but this one seemed to go the extra mile to distinguish itself. Amidst all the turmoil and confusion and isolation, I leaned heavily on the moving pictures to provide some sense of normalcy, and even though this did not mark my highest annual tally, it was up there for sure.

FOR PREVIOUS YEARS' RECAPS, CLICK HERE 

However, the fright flicks just did not capture my imagination as they had in years past. Instead I found myself gravitating toward brainless action flicks and brainy documentaries. I know the sociology students out there will have a field day with this bit of intel, claiming that the real-life COVID horrors outside my door were just too much to enjoy the made-up scares. Sorry, kids, as much as I would love to serve as your case study, the fact of the matter is that my passions were simply being pulled in a different direction, fascinated instead by Bronson’s taciturn charms, the mushmouthed flying feet of JCVD, Sly’s breakneck career highs and lows, the pleasing and pummeling indulgences of QT, that intangible but unmistakable Coen quirk, and the negected genius of Karel Zeman.

It was clearly time to follow a different beat, and so I did, spending less time looking to the horizons ahead and digging instead in the bones of the past. I regret nothing, but I understand if the results might be less satisfying for those looking for the latest and greatest.

With that bit of preamble, and having already given the fright flicks their moment in the moonlight, it’s now time to give the Civilian flicks their moment in the sun. As always, all titles listed were encountered for the first time from January 1 to December 31, 2020 (i.e. no repeat viewings were eligible), with top picks denoted with an asterisk. (*) 

There is also the annual multitude of minutiae that I love to ponder, ranging from sequels to performers to directors to soundalike titles. Hopefully you’ll find something here to giggle over as well.

Let the madness begin!

Dr. AC's 2020 Horror Wrap-Up Extravaganza!

"We made it... oh for crying out loud, 2020, don't you ever stop?"

Greetings, my fellow fiends!

In any given year, it’s not unusual to be a little stunned that we’ve finally reached the end, but 2020 was a Year Like No Other, so it’s quite something to be reflecting back on such a memorable (for reasons both joyous and ill) 12 months. More than ever, each fright flick encountered was an escape from the terrors of the real world and I’ve never been more thankful to have a ready supply of distraction.

CLICK HERE FOR PREVIOUS YEARS' RECAPS  

Due to the given circumstances, I can’t say I was pushing as hard to keep current with the masses; like many, I was just doing my best to get through each day with my sanity intact. Therefore I advise approaching the following list with a gentle manner and an open mind.

As in the past, the titles listed below were encountered by your humble scribe for the first time during the past year and, to acknowledge as many as possible, I've broken them down into various categories in alphabetical order, with my top picks denoted with an asterisk. (*)

Fool's View (12/21 – 12/31) (Part 2 of 2)

"Yeah, baby, that's the finish line!! Punch it!!!"

And we’re back!

I devoted the final week of 2020 wrapping up the triple projects of Charles Bronson, Quentin Tarantino, and Joel and Ethan Coen, a decidedly eclectic bunch of titles within their own lane and as a whole.

I had only previously dabbled in Bronson’s work, having seen his ensemble efforts (Dirty Dozen, Magnificent Seven, Great Escape) and the occasional starring role, usually out of interest in the director (Hard Times, Once Upon a Time in the West) or pop culture significance (Death Wish). But a viewing of Mr. Majestyk earlier this year piqued my interest and I concluded that an actor who regularly cranked out a movie (and often two) every year, usually with his name above the title, probably deserved a little of my attention. Besides, I find myself fascinated these days by movie stars who had thriving careers despite critics endlessly declaring that they can’t act.

Having seen Once Upon a Time in Hollywood in January for awards season, it seemed like a fine time to revisit QT’s career in reverse order, since the femalien had not yet seen them all and I hadn’t seen them in a while. It’s been an interesting, rewarding, and occasionally confounding journey.

The Brothers C. Project was born of a comfort food triple-feature at the beginning of pandemic and just kept going. 18 flicks later, I’m happy to report that they haven’t lost their touch nor their way. While they share a predilection for homage with their younger cinematic comrade, it never feels quite as shamelessly derivative or “look at me” clever, which I appreciate.

As always, feel free to leave your two cents worth – we’ll make sure you get some change back.

Enjoy!

Fool's View (12/21 – 12/31) (Part 1 of 2)

Howdy, folks!

Well, here we are, a week into the New Year and I’m still wrapping up the Old. I’d chalk it up to the holiday hustle bustle except that there was precious little of that. Instead, it was mostly camping out at home, eating snacks, and watching a truckload of flickers in service of wrapping up the year’s various odds and ends. While most of the titles listed below had some sort of connection to movies I’d watched earlier in the year, whether it be a director’s work (Hill, Tsukamoto, Hughes, Zeman, Zhao) or a star (Jean-Claude, Arnold), there were also the random recs (His House), screeners (Beasts Clawing at Straws), or Kryptic Army missions (Starfish) to be tended to. We didn’t get to them all, but we sure gave it the ol’ college try.

(The final tallies on 2020’s Bronson, Tarantino, and Coen Bros. Projects will appear in the second half of this write-up, so stay tuned!)

I hope this finds you and yours safe and healthy, and that your New Year is off to a fine start. While the evening news may seem dark much of the time, there is light if we choose to seek it. Glad you’re here with me, friends. Here’s to brighter days.

As always, feel free to leave your two cents worth – we’ll make sure you get some change back.

Enjoy!

Fool's Views (12/1 – 12/20)

’Twas the Night Before Christmas
And all down the hall
Stacks of movies loomed
The Plan: To watch them all

Hey kids!

We’re still kicking, the clock is still ticking, and the flicks are still flicking. While the FYC screeners took some precedence, there were still plenty of side roads to be explored, and looking back over early December’s roster, it occurs to me that pretty much every title that crossed my eyes during this period came as a result of someone else’s direct recommendation. Am I becoming easily swayed in my latter years? More open to suggestion? Possibly. Then again, it also speaks to the respect of the individual making said recommendation – if they think it’s worth seeing, then it’s probably worth seeing. Curious to hear what you all think.

As always, feel free to leave your two cents worth – we’ll make sure you get some change back.

Enjoy!

Fool's Views (11/16 – 11/30)

"Um, I'll have the fish..."

Aaaaaaannnnnnd he’s back!

The latter half of November was a rich mix of brows high and low, and everything in between. Due to the ongoing pandemic, the Kitley's Krypt faithful were forced once again to take our semi-annual celebration of All Things Turkey virtual, but the tradition was maintained and a fantastic time was had by all.

Meanwhile, the awards season has begun in earnest, with screeners showering down from the heavens in increasing number. As such, there’s little time to dally, especially when I’m still knocking out Stallone flicks and having impromptu Jennifer Lopez double features in my non-existent spare time. So, let’s get to it!

As always, feel free to leave your two cents worth – we’ll make sure you get some change back.

Enjoy!

Fool's Views (11/1 – 11/15)

You WILL take your medicine, it's GOOD FOR YOU

Howdy, folks!

Okay, every year I tell myself, “Hey, AC! You finished the October Challenge, you’re all caught up to date, wouldn’t it be great if you just kept going and stayed consistent with the Views? Wouldn’t that be awesome? Wouldn’t that be… hey, hey, where you going?”

Yup. Here we are again.

The truth is that the Challenge lives up to its name every October, requiring more time and energy than I anticipate, whereby other projects get pushed onto the proverbial back burner. As soon as Nov 1 rolls around, all of those back burners get turned up real high and, before you know it, I’m running around like a short-order cook at lunchtime with half the kitchen staff out sick. (Hey, nice metaphor-building there.)

As such, we’re a month behind and the end-of-year awards season is already starting to kick into high gear, so I figured it’s time to shut up and put up. These may not be the prettiest Views in the world, but Views they is and here they comes.

As always, feel free to leave your two cents worth – we’ll make sure you get some change back.

Enjoy!

RELIC (2020) Blu-ray Review

Relic (2020) d. Natalie Erika James (Australia/USA) (89 min)

When Kay (Emily Mortimer) receives word that her aging mother Edna (Robyn Nevin) has not been seen for several days, she reluctantly extracts herself from her manic work-obsessed lifestyle and heads out to the countryside with recently dropped out of college daughter Sam (Bella Heathcote) to investigate. Upon arrival, they find a few things amiss (Post-it notes adorning the walls, chairs facing windows, food bowls set out for pets long gone) and no sign of Edna… at first. Our missing matriarch magically reappears one morning, behaving as though nothing has happened and dismissing her absence (and slight bruising on her chest) as nothing of consequence. Despite their casual estrangement, both Kay and Sam recognize that something is different and, as the days pass, they are witness to numerous troubling episodes that beg the question: are these are simply classic symptoms of dementia or is there something more sinister and supernatural at work?

ELI ROTH'S HISTORY OF HORROR (2019) Blu-ray Review

Eli Roth’s History of Horror (2018) d. Kurt Sayenga (USA) (294 min)

“Award-winning horror film director, writer, producer, and actor Eli Roth brings together the masters of horror – the storytellers and stars who define the genre – to explore its biggest themes and reveal the inspirations and struggles behind its past and present. Each one-hour episode will take viewers on a chilling exploration of how horror has evolved through the years and examine the genre's impact on society as well as delving into how horror maintains its fan base and why audiences are addicted to fear. Interviewees include Stephen King, Quentin Tarantino, Linda Blair, and many others.”

That’s the marketing materials on the back of the Blu-ray packaging from AMC Studios. Sounds pretty good, right? In the spirit of how so many great horror movies begin, let’s take a look inside, shall we, and see what’s hiding in the basement, the attic, and under the bed.

2020 SCARE-A-THON FINAL RESULTS!!!

And that, friends and fiends, brings us to the end of yet another OCTOBER HORROR MOVIE CHALLENGE and Scare-A-Thon 2020!

As always, the Challenge itself is to watch (at least) one fright flick for each of those glorious 31 days that make up the month of October, 16 of which must be first time views. I am happy to report that we have accomplished that lofty goal and that along the way, thanks to the generous hearts and minds of fans like you, over $3,300 has been raised for BOXVILLE, with additional funds still coming in, making this the most successful Scare-A-Thon to date! (Yes, you can still drop a line at drach101@gmail.com if you wish to donate!)

My thanks to everyone who participated in some way, whether it be reading the reviews, making a contribution, watching alongside, or just stopping by to chat. It makes the long nights go by much easier knowing that one’s efforts are noticed and appreciated. Hope you found a few new suggestions for future movie nights along the way!

Below are the 31 “official” features viewed (with links to the full-length reviews), as well as 7 additional horror titles “just for fun” along with five additional civilian views just to break up the bloodletting. Beyond that, there are a bevy of additional OCD factoids you might get a kick out of… or you can just run for the exits like any sensible human being. The choice is yours.

Enjoy!

CHALLENGE STATS:
Total Movies Watched: 38
First Time Views: 16
Total Scare-A-Thon Donations: $3,329.71

ZOMBIE FOR SALE (2019) Blu-ray Review

Scare-A-Thon Totals to Date:

Total Movies Watched: 31
Total First Time Views: 16
Amount raised for BOXVILLE: $3,329.71

Zombie for Sale (2019) d. Min-jae Lee (South Korea) (112 min) (1st viewing)

The Park family, comprised of a father (Jong-ryol Choi), two brothers Joon-Gul (Jae-yeong Jeong) and Min-Gul (Nam-gil Kim), their sister Hae-gul (Soo-kyung Lee), and Joon-Gul’s pregnant bride Nam-Joo (Ji-won Uhm), eke out a living at their run-down gas/service station, bilking the occasional passerby with flat tire-inducing debris on the highway and a tow truck waiting in the wings. Their ramshackle lives change forever when Jjong-Bi (Ga-ram Jung), one of the brain-dead test subjects from Korea’s most prominent drug company, escapes from the lab and shambles into a literal collision course with the family. While Jjong-Bi looks and walks like a traditional Romero zombie, he prefers to munch on heads of cabbage rather than brains, and when he accidentally does bite the aging patriarch, his rejuvenated victim actually feels 20 years younger!