Turn in your assignments, class!
Yep, the annual crunch to get things in order before the October Challenge and SCARE-A-THON 2019 proceedings kick into high gear is well underway, but so far, so good.
All four horror features this time around arrived courtesy of an impromptu September Share the Scare with good friend and host Jon Kitley (taking a break from his Discover the Horror world tour), while the trio of Witch Mountain movies came from the same Chicago Public Library well that spawned last month’s animation cornucopia.
We also knocked out another pair of Bond flicks, pitting Connery against Moore in a battle for 007 Domination, as well as an unforeseen double header from everyone’s favorite musclehead, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Just think what kind of madness we could get into if we were actually planning any of this!
As always, feel free to leave your two cents worth – we’ll make sure you get some change back.
Enjoy!
HORROR:
Accion Mutante (1993) d. Iglesia, Alex de la (Spain) (2nd viewing)
Before becoming a national treasure (and film festival favorite) with offerings like Day of the Beast, The Bar, and La Commnidad, Iglesia exploded onto the scene with a debut feature about a band of disabled terrorists who have assembled under the name of Accion Mutante, out to wipe out the “beautiful people” populace who are ruining it for all the “freaks” who can’t get a date or catch a break. Following their leader Ramon’s (Antonio Resines) prison release, their next big scheme is to insinuate themselves into a millionaire heiress’ (Frederique Feder) wedding, kidnap her, and head off into outer space to await delivery of the ransom. Unfortunately, the “no honor among thieves” axiom is well in place here and the bandits are soon knocking each other off in pursuit of a larger slice of the pie. With its profoundly offbeat humor, gory effects, ramshackle narrative, and expansive ensemble (all of which would become the writer/director’s stock-in-trade), this is a bizarre action/sci-fi/horror/comedy that will perhaps not appeal to a mainstream audience (though hope springs eternal), but fans of the weird and wonderful will find much to like here.
Border (2018) d. Abbasi, Ali (Sweden) (1st viewing)
Stunning and heartfelt story about a strange and reclusive young woman whose efforts as a border customs officer are bolstered by her innate ability to scent fear and apprehension on various travelers. With a invalid father and a irresponsible roommate to deal with, her life takes a strange turn when she is enlisted to assist on a police case that delves into some very strange terrain indeed. To say more would be a disservice, but the fact that it was nominated for a Best Makeup Oscar means that people in the Academy saw the film, which leaves me wondering where the hell were the Best Actress nomination for Melander and the screenplay nomination for Abbasi, Isabella Ekloff, and John Ajvide Lindqvist (author of Let the Right One In, on whose short story the script was based)? Absolutely worth seeking out.
Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019) d. Dougherty, Michael (USA) (1st viewing)
***CLICK HERE FOR FULL MOVIE REVIEW***
The Mad Doctor of Market Street (1942) d. Lewis, Joseph H. (USA) (1st viewing)
Charming macabre melodrama about an unbalanced scientist (Lionel Atwill) who believes he has found the secret of resurrection (a shot of adrenaline cures everything, didn’t you know?), but when his latest test subject dies on the table, he’s forced to flee on a transatlantic voyage bound for New Zealand with the cops in hot pursuit. After a fire breaks out on board, the doc and a group of society swells are shipwrecked on a typical Hollywood tropical island where our sawbones becomes a god after he revives the chief’s daughter. It’s a silly and confused little flick, but Atwill is fun and the light comedy elements actually assist rather than detract from the proceedings.
CIVILIAN:
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (2011) d. Daldry, Stephen (USA) (1st viewing)
I can understand why this was such a divisive film and I’m sure it worked much better in novel form, where the absurdity of a young “on the spectrum” boy traversing the entirety of NYC while questing for the potential answer to his father’s (Tom Hanks) death on 9/11 via a key left in a vase while his mother simply looks the other way (deep breath) might have seemed more palatable in the reader’s head as opposed to watching it play out in such concrete visuals. I appreciate the efforts of all involved, from the sterling supporting cast to cinematographer Chris Menges, and I was able to suspend disbelief throughout by treating it as though it were a John Irving novel where characters act the way they act because we want the story to progress. But when it’s all over, it feels a bit, well, sentimental and deliberately catharsis-signaling.
Life After Flash (2017) d. Downs, Lisa (USA) (1st viewing)
Considering it’s become a holiday tradition around Chez AC over the past few years, a documentary about the making of the 1980 cult favorite Flash Gordon was an absolute no-brainer, and the fact that Downs was able to sit down stars like Melody Anderson, Brian Blessed, Richard O’ Brien, Topol, Peter Wyndgarde, and Sam J. Jones (who apparently got a little too big for his britches and refused to return to the set until his demands were met… whereupon producer Dino De Laurentiis and director Mike Hodges simply shot around his remaining scenes with doubles and got someone else to dub his vocals!) for their reflections is just the icing on the cake.
HEERE THERE BE WITCHES:
Escape to Witch Mountain (1975) d. Hough, John (USA) (3rd viewing)
Two orphans (Kim Richards and Ike Eisenmann) turn out to be telekinetic and telepathic space alien siblings who occasionally have the ability to predict the future. Is it any wonder that zillionaire Aristotle Bolt (Ray Milland, in fine scowling form) wants to bring the little chicks under his gilded wing? Disney serves up a terrific family fantasy that finds just the right combination of innocence and excitement for younger viewers while not requiring their parents to resort to infancy themselves. Eddie Albert, Donald Pleasance, and Denver Pyle lend their estimable talent for straight faces to a whimsical and charming bit of escapist fun.
Return from Witch Mountain (1978) d. Hough, John (USA) (3rd viewing)
When Tony and Tia (Richards and Eisenmann back again) visit L.A. for a rather vague alien get-together, they get caught up in an evil scientist’s (Christopher Lee) mind control scheme and are ultimately pitted against one another in an impressively executed telekinetic showdown. While there’s no denying the fact that things get exponentially sillier this time around, especially with the introduction of “The Earthquake Gang,” a group of young wannabe toughs who aid Tia in her quest, this was likely the first exposure to the talents of Lee for fans of a certain age, and the genre star seems to be having a marvelously villainous time alongside batty co-star Bette Davis.
THE ROCK AND THE REMAKES:
Race to Witch Mountain (2009) d. Fickman, Andy (USA) (1st viewing)
It’s funny how a quarter-century can change expectations for what a Disney family film can/should be. Whereas it might have been enough for 1975 kids to watch Tony and Tia make their toys dance around via telekinesis, here we have a nonstop action movie filled with guns and explosions and car chases and Dwayne Johnson and Carla Gugino delivering one-liners like they just invented the concept. “Don’t go into the pimped-out refrigerator.” Um, is this followed by the explanation to your kids of the origins of “pimped out” as an expression and all it entails? Also, did I mention the abundance of firearms and heavy artillery on display? Because there is a LOT of it. Kim Richards and Ike Eisenmann are back in cameos (the café waitress and the local sheriff, respectively), although I’m not sure when Ike started spelling his professional name “Iake Eissinmann” as he does here. The Rock is starting to become more comfortable with his light comedian skills, and while he’s unquestionably the red-blooded hero of the piece, he’s also allowed to be bewildered and confused and vulnerable.
Walking Tall (2004) d. Bray, Kevin (USA) (1st viewing)
It’s tough to even call this a remake as it’s such a wildly different reworking of the “based on a true story” 1973 drive-in sensation about the life and times of Tennessee sheriff Buford Pusser. I mean, yes, there’s a small corrupt burg and, yes, The Rock (as he is billed here) does get elected sheriff and doles out some much-needed justice to the bad guys now running the joint. Other than that, it’s pure PG-13 Hollywood fluff, with Johnson flexing his muscles and acting chops (which are still clearly quite green here) as a former serviceman home from active duty to find that his small town has been taken over by a businessman (Neal McDonough) who has made the sleazy casino/cathouse the only game around. Teaming up with a former drinking buddy (played in relatively restrained fashion by Johnny Knoxville) and his former sweetheart (Ashley Scott), he sets out to right the wrongs and woe be to anyone in his way. It’s dumb and simple enough to avoid being offensive, but it never feels like anything but a cornball fantasy pic designed to showcase its star and give some low-to-middle-tier performers (Michael Bowen, John Beasley, Kevin Durand) some additional work.
1983: BATTLE OF THE BONDS:
Octopussy (1983) d. Glen, John (UK) (1st viewing)
I mean, first off, come on. I remember when this came out and everyone just seemed embarrassed to even have to talk about it because tee hee hee that title. (It should also be noted that the Ian Fleming short story from which it derives was published posthumously in Playboy magazine in 1966, and then published as a short story collection with “The Living Daylights” and “The Property of a Lady” the following year. The plot of the film itself actually incorporates more elements of the latter story, namely the acquisition of a Faberge egg, than the titular one!)
Despite the fact that she’d already appeared as a major character (who DIED) in The Man with the Golden Gun, Maud Adams is back in the fold as the titular character, a criminal mastermind who also runs the female-only Octopus Cult comprised of combat-ready acrobats and gymnasts. No, really. She’s in league with Kamal Khan (played by a sleepwalking Louis Jourdan) who’s in league with Orlov and zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Huh? Oh, right, there’s also a circus train and a bomb and a bunch of stolen jewels that are being used to finance the power-mad General Orlov’s nefarious plan to explode a nuke on a U.S. military base in Germany which will lead to disarmament and then the sneaky Soviets can take over Europe in a matter of days. (For the record, KGB head General Gogol, played by the inimitable Walter Gotell in his fourth of six consecutive Bond films, is against the plan from the beginning.)
The biggest problems with this entry are that the whole thing feels gratuitous, laborious, and lacking in dignity. And, with the notable exception of Steven Berkoff, in his scenery-devouring turn as the crazed Orlov, nobody really seems like they’re having any fun, especially Roger Moore in his sixth go-round. Oh, he’s giving it his best (and his stunt team is dutifully falling all about the place), but there’s a certain sense of despair and frantic struggle within. For the first time, we’re hearing Bond grunt and squirm when getting into uncomfortable scrapes (“Urrgggh” brushing away spider webs), he’s forced to hide out inside of an ape suit and beneath full clown makeup, and he’s practically shrieking like a third-grader in the climax while trying to convince the U.S. Army brass that THERE’S A BOMB IN THAT THERE CIRCUS.
The finale, with two stunt men duking it out atop an in-flight airplane is undeniably impressive, but we’ve been waiting over two hours at that point to be wowed, forced to make do with knife-throwing twins and an assassin wielding a circular-saw-blade-yo-yo into the chest of international tennis star Vijay Amritraj playing a British agent named… Vijay “who happens to play a little tennis.” Sigh.
And let’s not forget the scene where the tires literally come off Bond’s motorcar and we see the rims fit perfectly onto the railroad tracks so he can roll merrily along.
And the Tarzan yell. Especially the Tarzan yell.
Never Say Never Again (1983) d. Kershner, Irvin (UK/USA) (2nd viewing)
Way back in 1965, there was this little film called Thunderball that was not based on an original Ian Fleming novel, but rather an original story idea conceived by Fleming, Kevin McClory, and Jack Whittingham. This created a bit of a legal tangle, since this idea was also the origin of the terrorist organization SPECTRE and its nefarious leader Ernst Stavro Blofeld. McClory (who served as producer on Thunderball), rankled by the use of his creative output minus any compensation, sued for the rights to the character and SPECTRE and won. This explains why, until the eponymous 2015 film starring Daniel Craig, Blofeld only appeared in three more official EON releases: You Only Live Twice (1967), On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969) and Diamonds Are Forever (1971).
In 1982, McClory sought out Sean Connery and wooed him with the idea of donning the tuxedo once again in exchange for a rather profitable back-end deal and creative input. The actor, who had worked consistently but had not appeared in a memorable hit in a while, agreed to the terms and the wheels were set in motion for a remake of Thunderball, with Lorenzo Semple (King Kong, TV’s Batman) handling screenwriting duties. Understandably, the entire project is a bit of a tongue-in-cheek lark, with no one taking anything too seriously (which was certainly in keeping with the tone set by Cubby Broccoli and Roger Moore) and it’s easy breezy fun from start to finish.
While there are certainly a few quibbles to be had, such as the wretched title song, Domino’s bizarre side hustle as an aspiring dancer, the occasionally ho-hum stunts, and Rowan Atkinson’s shameless mugging (seriously, it’s like he’s just flown in from a Saturday Night Live sketch), the movie succeeds for the most part, thanks mostly to Connery’s dashing flair and self-awareness which just stays just this side of outiright parody. The supporting cast is top-notch, with Max Von Sydow charismatic if wasted as Blofeld, young and glowing Kim Basinger as Domino, Hammer starlet Valerie Leon, ex-football player and blaxploitation stalwart Bernie Casey as Bond’s American counterpart Felix Leiter, stern and sterling Edward Fox as “M”, and Klaus Maria Brandauer tendering one of the more complex and compelling Bond villains seen to date in the form of Maximilian Largo.
But it’s Barbara Carrera as Largo’s top assassin Fatima Blush who steals the show, her flamboyant performance matched only by her frequent wardrobe changes. (It was a banner year for Carrera, as she landed a Golden Globe nomination for her turn here as well as appearing in the Chuck Norris smash Lone Wolf McQuade.)
Perhaps it’s simply the novelty of seeing Connery back in the role he originated 21 years prior, but I found this more enjoyable than Roger Moore’s official outing, Octopussy, released earlier that same year. (Although in the "Bond Song" category, Rita Coolidge's "All Time High" mops the floor with the insipid NSNA title song by Lani Hall.)
2019 Totals to Date: 320 films, 167 1st time views, 163 horror, 28 cinema
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