GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS (2019) Movie Review

Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019) d. Michael Dougherty (USA) (137 min)

Anyone who knows me even a little knows that I grew up a big Godzilla fan, that the Big G was essentially my gateway into the new world of gods and monsters, that from my love for this overgrown radioactive lizard (and his kaiju pals) would come the pursuit of further thrills in the form of King Kong and Frankenstein and Dracula and the Wolf Man and the magic of Ray Harryhausen and Bert I. Gordon, which in turn would turn a dark corner and reveal such deeper chills as Psycho, Halloween, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and more. It’s all thanks to Godzilla.

But here’s the thing. Godzilla, to me, is and has always been a guy in a suit. I mean, even as I kid, I knew that and I loved it. I never thought that Godzilla was an actual creature that had somehow been captured on camera. I knew that there were people who had made these little cities for the guy in the suit to stomp around in. I knew that the people who were reacting to the scenes of destruction were shot from a different angle (and on a different day) or inserted into the scene via some camera trick. I loved Godzilla because it was a big game of pretend, for the people involved, the people in the giant unwieldy rubber suits, and the audience that would show up to pretend like they didn’t know it was all pretend.

Now we’ve moved into this world of motion-capture and computer-generated effects and it’s just not as much fun because we’re supposed to pretend so much harder. There are no people in suits anymore. Nothing takes up physical space anymore. It’s something someone drew on a computer and it’s gorgeous and undeniably visually impressive. And yet. I derive so much more joy watching YouTube videos of people in those inflatable T-Rex suits that they bought for $60 because there is a human in the suit and they are still trying to act like a human in spite of the suit. Whereas watching this $200 million extravaganza, where I have no emotional connection or reaction to anything happening on screen, is just a bummer.

This 2019 incarnation is not my Godzilla. And that’s fine, because this is someone else’s Godzilla and perhaps they love it and I wouldn’t dream of taking it away from them. But, for me, watching cartoons, even exquisitely, immaculately designed cartoons, fight each other is never going to thrill me in the same way that watching two humans sealed inside enormous bags of rubber and pretending to be monsters duking it out will. I love that game of pretend. Because I can imagine being one of those humans and I love the way they have to struggle to move inside the suit and I love how they somehow manage to communicate a legitimate character through the inches of latex.

There are some capable actors on hand in the form of Kyle Chandler, Vera Farmiga, Charles Dance, Ken Watanabe, Bradley Whitford, Sally Hawkins, and Millie Bobby Brown. But we all know we don’t go to a Godzilla movie to watch the humans and their drama. We go to see the monsters. And these monsters are cartoons. There are lots of them (with Rodan, Mothra, and King Ghidorah getting the most screen time) and the monster designs are quite wonderful to behold and I would be proud to hang prints of them on the wall. But they are, at the end of the day, animated drawings and it’s just not the same. Some might argue that it shouldn’t be and that I shouldn’t be comparing and I should just enjoy the meal that is in front of me. Problem is, I was trying to. But herein lies the other problem…

With few exceptions, the screenplays for a Godzilla movie are not going to be compelling or challenging drama and they will likely not make much logistical, real-world sense. And that is certainly true here, but it’s more than a little insulting considering how much money has been spent in the service of a script (by director Dougherty and Zach Shields) that possesses a nine-year-old’s knowledge of physics and chemistry and human interaction. I had more than a few quibbles with Shin Godzilla, but at least it wasn’t dumb. By contrast, GKOTM’s “plot” evokes so much forehead slapping that I thought I was going to give myself a concussion… until I just stopped caring. And well, once I stopped caring… I just started waiting for it to be over. I never clicked over to where I was just enjoying the big dumb fun… because it was never fun. It just felt long and dumb, and when something is dumb, it definitely shouldn’t be long.

AC realizes that there is still an hour to go....

No matter how many little Easter eggs and references they make to Toho’s 29-film legacy (and there are a lot), this new Godzilla feels completely disconnected from its origins. It’s dumbed-down, it’s suped-up, and it’s exhausting. But I somehow knew that was how this was going to be, which is why I didn’t bother seeing it on the big screen.

I don’t know if this is my fault or the movie’s. I suspect the latter, but I’m also not invested enough to spend more time in front of the keyboard trying to prove my point. I just know that I can’t seem to love this version of Godzilla, no matter how I try. I couldn’t love it in 1998, I couldn’t love it in 2014, and I can’t love it now.

Again, I knew this wasn’t going to be my Godzilla. For my money, a Godzilla film needs to be dark and resonant and intelligent (Gojira, GMK: All-Out Attack, Shin Godzilla) or goofy fun (Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster, Godzilla vs. Megalon) or just pure entertainment (Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla, Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah).

And it needs to have a guy in a suit.

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