THE LOCH NESS HORROR (1981) movie review

Loch Ness Horror, The (1981) d. Larry Buchanan (USA)

Buchanan, having given us The Eye Creatures, The Naked Witch, and Zontar, the Thing from Venus, rings down the curtain on his genre efforts with this sublimely awful adventuRRRRRRRe yaRRRRRRRRn of a bRRRRRRash young AmeRRRRican (Barry Buchanan, son of Himself) coming to Scotland with his newfangled sonaRRRRRR to discoveRRRRRR the tRRRRRRuth behind the mysteRRRRRRy of the monsteRRRRRRR known as Nessie. He is aided in his effoRRRRRts by a bRRRRRave young lass (Miki McKenzie), heRRRRR gRRRRRRRouchy old gRRRRRAndfatheRRRRRR (Doc Livingston), and a local natuRRRRRalist (Sandy Kenyon), all of whom have wildly vaRRRRRRRying degRRRRRees of Scottish bRRRRRougue.

The monster design by special mechanical effects dynamo Peter Chesney (Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, Pet Sematary, Tremors II) is actually pretty sweet, considering the clear budget restraints, topped by some entirely illogical but still charming smoke that billows from the beast’s mouth on a regular basis. It’s still a far cry from the goofy puppets populating Amicus’ The Land That Time Forgot, but it’s awful cute in its earnestness. Chesney recycled Nessie for a brief cameo in 1987's Amazon Women on the Moon. (pictured below)

There’s precious little horror and/or monster action, especially when compared to the raft of trilling exposition shoveled into viewers’ ears, but when the long-necked one bloodily attacks a greedy opportunist (Stuart Lancaster, featured in numerous Russ Meyer efforts such as Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! and Up!) trying to steal her egg, it makes it all okay for about two minutes. Oh, and let’s not forget Livingston’s magic telescope, which somehow allows one to see everything from the top of a plane in flight through the mountains to a close-up of a diver on the loch’s surface.